Darksome thoughts

It’s amazing that it’s almost the end of October.  Samhain is tomorrow night.  Already, little ghouls and goblins have been running around trying to either collect treats or play tricks….sometimes both!  Today at the store every customer that came through the register has some form of goodie….Hershey’s and M&Ms….candy corn and candied apples….caramels and kiddie mixes.  Enough sugar to give the state of Colorado a sugar high for the next 10 years.

I have to shake my head at it.  Wasn’t that long ago that I was doing the same thing.  Going door to door to collect treats.  Trying to remember whose were the best the year before.  Trying to figure out what costume/ character I wanted to be that year.  (The fire fairy did not go over well)  Anticipating what presents I would get for my birthday that year.  (Ya get a double handful of candy if you tell the nice neighbors it’s your birthday…and it was the truth!!)

This year seems somewhat dull in comparison.  My family is halfway across the US.  My husband snores in the bed behind me.  I get to work a 6pm to 6am shift on Samhain.  So goes the birthday that I foresee for tomorrow.

I did get a birthday card from my mother.  It even includes the latest school picture of my sister’s daughter.  I’m the baby of the family so Mom worries about me.  Tell her goodbye when she left to go back home after visiting for a week was hard.  No matter how much I enjoy people and interacting with them, there are few that I can honestly say (without hesitating a moment) that I would die for.  She’s one of them.  I can tolerate a lot of things beings thrown my way, but you mess with her….let’s just say that you’re much better off to not even try.

Ahh…where was I….I’ve let my circumstances effect me a lot lately.  I haven’t changed the decorations on the altar from Mabon .  How sad…the skull-shaped candle is still packed up from last year.  My smaller ancestral possessions don’t lay out in spelendor.  I not sure that I will light the candles tomorrow.  My cards itch to be touched but my heart’s not in it.  

I’m not doubting the path I’m on.  I just can’t get up my motivation right now.  Maybe it’s time for me to do some soul searching and unburden myself some.  Find out what’s really dampening my enthusiasm.  It’s not just that we’re going into the dark half of the year.  I’m just dark and somber tonight.  

Let’s pull out the new deck and see what falls out….